I was ready to settle. You wouldn’t let me. You told me You wanted to give me a good wedding, even if it’s nothing more than a gateway to the real thing: a lifelong commitment to another one of Your precious children.
Because I am Your daughter.
Before I get lost any further into the details, before I start playing mental films of the big day and scrutnizing every little detail and adjusting it to perfection in my imaginary movie, help me get this one thing right.
“they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing” psalm 34-10
“my soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him” psalm 62-5
“my soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand doth upholdeth me” psalm 63-8
“O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee; my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is” psalm 63-1
No man can ever satisfy the thirst and hunger of my soul; only You can. But I forget that too easily and tire myself out running after things, even good things, things that cannot satisfy, shadows of the real thing – You.
Above, below, behind, in front, all around and inside – You hem me in. I cannot run from You, even though I still try. You keep calling, keep wooing, keep pursuing, keep chasing, until Your love overtakes all that is within my view. In those breaking moments I finally give in. I stop running. You’ve caught me. And as I open my palms to receive my due punishment, You press into my hands Your tender, merciful, everlasting, surpassing love and tell me:
“It’s time to come home.”
Oh I am so bad at this, Abba, so bad at loving You, so bad even at being loved by You. I have become convinced that Hosea’s wife is every one of us. And what hope is there left for a harlot like her?
Only Your redeeming love.